The ripple effect.... ..... .....

Why is it that we are so quick to realize how our positive actions have a great ripple effect on those around us but we don't stop to consider how our mistakes affect others? If we go on a mission trip or help translate in a medical clinic, we're quick to see what we did to help others, but if we say something hurtful or act completely immature and hurt those around us by our actions, we sometimes don't even want to admit that we're wrong and that what we did affected other people...

I'm sure part of it is that we don't want to take responsibility for the full range of effects that our mistakes have on those around us and on our environments. Sometimes, it's hard enough to take responsibility and even say, "I messed up. I'm sorry." But taking it one step further and then having to admit that we may have made the next week harder because of words we shouldn't have said or whatever the case may be...that's real stuff.

But I think it's in doing that, and in saying, "okay, wow, I did this. That was wrong. I'm sorry. I'm responsible" that we must realize that every action good or bad has consequences. We affect others, even people we don't know, and that's a large responsibility, but it's one God has given us because He knows that we can handle it - otherwise, we wouldn't have it.

Talk about empowering. The God of the Universe knows that my actions will affect others and He sees the ripple far beyond what we can ever know on this earth, but it is also He who gives such responsibility therefore making us each capable of properly handling it.

Taking it even further, we have to look down the road. How will our actions now affect our families? How will our actions now affect our significant others? Our parents? Our siblings? OUR CHILDREN?? Randall always says if you can see it, you can do it. So, I think that's a good strategy. Imagine someone always watching you and learning from you and then think about what you're doing. Do you want them to learn this behavior and think it's acceptable?

What we have to know and recognize is that God ALWAYS watches us. Actions that we don't even complete but that just appear as brief thoughts in our head will be judged. We will have to give an account. If you don't remember what you did that hurt your best friend's feelings in high school, it doesn't matter - God does and we are responsible for EVERY action, EVERY behavior, EVERY thought. So, think about that. Imagine someone always watching you and learning from you and then think about you're doing...Guess what? Someone already is, and that person is the ultimate Judge.

Not to try to scare anyone - of course, that's why God sent his son Jesus to save us from the death that we deserve for our sins. God is merciful and just in that he sent Jesus as the ultimate sacrific for our sins. We are pardoned but responsible.

I'm not trying to get preachy here. I just want to encourage and provide a tactic that I hope will help me and others. That tactic? Remember that God created each and every being on this earth. We are interconnected because He created us. We affect each other, for better or for worse. If a child was watching every action and every word you spoke, would you be pleased with what they were learning from you?

Rockett go-mode

So, it's about that time pre-marriage, where you can start to freak out about where to live, how you're going to budget on one salary and a half (until I finish school), combining car insurance, bank accounts, etc.... Now, it's time for those details, which are decidedly less fun. Not that looking for a place to live wasn't exciting and we found the COOLEST place (God is goooooooood!!), but I mean all the other money stuff kinda makes me not want to be a grown-up sometimes.

I know, I know -- it's good and important and I'm learning and growing and all that jazz. It can just be a lot to deal with sometimes and I'm the kind of person who gets in to ultra go-mode and if you give me some kind of money puzzle (like in what ways can we save money), I'm just like GOOOOOO until I get it all figured out. And then I realized that while go-mode can be all well and good (Randall calls it "Rockett go-mode" because it seems like every member of my family gets this way from time to time), it's sometimes better to just breathe. I mean, if I just take a moment to step away from it all (which I'd really like to do), it somehow gets simpler when it doesn't all have to be done right now.

I think go-mode happens because when something big happens like this, I get all stressed out and I just think that the sooner I "fix" it and get it done, the sooner I can be done stressing about it -- which, in theory, is all well and good, but what I think I'm forgetting is that I might be creating extra stress for myself in trying to figure everything out NOW instead of letting it just sit and simmer for a little while. Things usually make more sense that way. I'm kind of a simple person in that way...most things, especially emotional things, I need TIME to process...so why would I think I don't need time to process big financial or other life-changing decisions?

Wow, hm.

I don't know if I have an answer for that one. Stumped myself! Well, if you have any thoughts, you go-mode-folks (I know you're out there somewhere), let me know.

Misinterpretation

Misinterpretation. If we love someone, why do we misunderstand their motives?

It happens to me from time to time...like I'll just being sitting there having the best chat with Randall and then all of a sudden he'll say something that doesn't seem quite right to me or vice versa and before you know it some big miscommunication has happened. And then it's like the best evening suddenly turns crappy all because we chose one sentence or one paragraph of words that for some reason or another didn't make it through the other person's filter the way we intended it to.

When I think about it, it seems like it shouldn't be that big of a deal. Sometimes it turns into more of a deal than other times, but why can't we just say, "Hey, hon, I don't think I'm understanding what you're saying. Do you think you could say it a different way?" Or, "Hey, hon, I understood you say X. Is that what you're trying to say?"

It seems like a really simple lesson. So what am I missing?

If it is that easy, it seems like we should just be doing it.

Is the easy path the road less traveled? The straight and narrow path? Hmm. You know, I do think it is. Because, in some ways, our humanity tricks us into going down the wider path of thinking: "Well, he just doesn't understand me at all" or "Well, she's just getting into a tizzy over nothing" or whatever the case may be. The wider path is the path of selfishness. It's the path that says:

my feelings, opinions, thoughts > your feelings, opinions, thoughts

When really it should be:

your feelings, opinions, thoughts > my feelings, opinions, thoughts

And when both people are thinking that way, then it's nearly impossible to head down the wrong side of the trail. When both people understand that the other has his/her best interest in mind, then there is no room for that doubt or creeping questions to enter in. The straight and narrow path is easily stayed upon because our faith in God allows us to trust the other's motives and love for us. So, it's pretty cool in the sense that:

Faith in God = Ability to truly & completely trust the person He's created for you

BECAUSE you understand that even if that person hurts you (which is going to happen from time to time), God ultimately is working through every aspect of the relationship. So it all begins and ends with Him. We trust Him, we love and trust another, and He takes care of our best interests and molds us more and more into the person we were created to be for His Glory!!

Wow, that's a pretty cool thought. Hope it all makes sense and that I didn't lose you with my attempt at literary math :) Peacin' out for now, folks!

Redemption

I have to say that I've never really been the biggest fan of blogging (I know that's probably everyone's story), but I wrote the first news update for our wedding website the other day and decided that a) I like writing; b) maybe my experiences could encourage others; and, c) I'll never really know who reads this anyway, so writing can be my therapy, in a way.

Not that I really need therapy per-se, but some people would argue that we all need some type of therapy, and I guess it just depends on how you really define therapy. I mean, is it just talking to someone? getting advice? gaining strategies for building relationships? letting it all out? going for a run? writing a blog?

Well, I think for now, I'm defining therapy as an outlet. I've tried running (I'm running my first marathon in January!!), and it works, but something about mentally getting everything out seems appealing at this stage in my life. I don't want this to sound really negative, like I have a ton of crap that I just need to get out or something. Basically I just want to share. And I'm a pretty optimistic person, so if you start reading and it sounds not-so-positive, please don't stop! I promise there'll be some kind of redemption at the end of it all.

And I think that's one of the main things I've learned on my journey of love so far. This is the first serious, long-term relationship I've ever been in, and I didn't really know what I was doing. But then, after many tiffs that never should have happened and even a few big blow-ups along the way, I realized it's not about me. It's not about what I'm doing -- it's about what God is doing, and that's where the redemption is in it all. Falling in love with another person and truly loving that person (two different things that perhaps I'll dive into in a future post) is a transforming process. I've learned that I not only have to love God and His purposes and plans for my life (many of which are still unknown to me) above myself, but I also have to love Randall above myself. Sometimes that seems like a pretty steep order of business, but when I stop to think about it, it's what I want in life: to love, serve, and bring glory to God in everything I do, which in turn means loving every being He's created, and especially my fiance, with a heart bigger than I ever dreamed of having.

I don't have that heart on my own, of course, and by no means am I saying that I have this all figured out or that I always love God, Randall, and everyone else above myself. Because I don't! I'm a work in progress - just ask Randall! But it's encouraging to know that each of us, no matter where we are in life, are in a transformation of some kind. Even if we can't visibly see God working in our lives, He is. He promises us that He is faithful and ever-present. It's when we stop looking to ourselves for what's going on in this world and start looking upwards that we'll truly see this life for what it is - a stepping stone, a playground, a classroom - a place to equip us for our future calling.