Redemption

I have to say that I've never really been the biggest fan of blogging (I know that's probably everyone's story), but I wrote the first news update for our wedding website the other day and decided that a) I like writing; b) maybe my experiences could encourage others; and, c) I'll never really know who reads this anyway, so writing can be my therapy, in a way.

Not that I really need therapy per-se, but some people would argue that we all need some type of therapy, and I guess it just depends on how you really define therapy. I mean, is it just talking to someone? getting advice? gaining strategies for building relationships? letting it all out? going for a run? writing a blog?

Well, I think for now, I'm defining therapy as an outlet. I've tried running (I'm running my first marathon in January!!), and it works, but something about mentally getting everything out seems appealing at this stage in my life. I don't want this to sound really negative, like I have a ton of crap that I just need to get out or something. Basically I just want to share. And I'm a pretty optimistic person, so if you start reading and it sounds not-so-positive, please don't stop! I promise there'll be some kind of redemption at the end of it all.

And I think that's one of the main things I've learned on my journey of love so far. This is the first serious, long-term relationship I've ever been in, and I didn't really know what I was doing. But then, after many tiffs that never should have happened and even a few big blow-ups along the way, I realized it's not about me. It's not about what I'm doing -- it's about what God is doing, and that's where the redemption is in it all. Falling in love with another person and truly loving that person (two different things that perhaps I'll dive into in a future post) is a transforming process. I've learned that I not only have to love God and His purposes and plans for my life (many of which are still unknown to me) above myself, but I also have to love Randall above myself. Sometimes that seems like a pretty steep order of business, but when I stop to think about it, it's what I want in life: to love, serve, and bring glory to God in everything I do, which in turn means loving every being He's created, and especially my fiance, with a heart bigger than I ever dreamed of having.

I don't have that heart on my own, of course, and by no means am I saying that I have this all figured out or that I always love God, Randall, and everyone else above myself. Because I don't! I'm a work in progress - just ask Randall! But it's encouraging to know that each of us, no matter where we are in life, are in a transformation of some kind. Even if we can't visibly see God working in our lives, He is. He promises us that He is faithful and ever-present. It's when we stop looking to ourselves for what's going on in this world and start looking upwards that we'll truly see this life for what it is - a stepping stone, a playground, a classroom - a place to equip us for our future calling.